The Return of the Irishian

Hey Folks!

Its been a very long time, for all of the people that actually do view this(joni) and the select others; this is an update on my life. Currently i am having a blast chilling at my relatives place(on my mom's side) in California. I've been here since the 22nd and its been really cool. Since i've last updated, which was FOREVER ago because i had an issue with this stupid comment box, a LOT has happened. SO much so that if i really included half of it, i would be up for forever and I really don't think it would all fit on one page. Life has been very very hectic. Sometimes its hard to believe that so much can just, explode from what seems at first to be a very small issue. One of the many things that has happened as of late, was a very small cough, it started in september and has gotten worse ever since. Its like a very bad cold, but worse. It hasn't gone away, it comes and goes and random moments, and it really really destroys you. Since it started getting so bad that i couldn't sleep, i went for medical attention. So far, i've been on loads and loads of medication and its just getting worse. For any of you who keep track of medicine, an idea on how much i'm taking would be like this; Over 2500mg of antibiotics and drugs every day. At night the degree was even worse. Nothing has worked, and as far as i know, NOTHING will ever work. The Doctors are quacks and really have no clue about what is wrong with me. Its a little upsetting...but i can live with it. Recently, the cough has gotten as bad as me resulting in coughing up loads of blood, of which i had an episode last night. Little things like a cough...can turn into the worst problem ever. Sure, i could have something much worse, but if you had up all the dramatic crap thats happened, you get a fair shot at something REALLY depressing. Aside from all that, i have an amazing relationship with someone, and really could not ask for anything. Except...everything. lol Man is never content. If you were wondering what i might ask for this would be it;

Healing, A job, Better education, A car, Less complicated drama.

Thats just a taste, but some of the basic issues. However, i don't want this to sound all depressing so i'll cut this short and wrap it up in some beautiful optimism. I am staying in a very large beautiful house, my uncle's...some of the greatest people in the world are here! And i get to be related to them. I get to spend every day here completely spoiled. I have everything i need, clothes, food, happiness, love and anything else that i have my heart set upon. Not only that but i get to do even more then i normally do! Things are really great. So now i'm going to conclude this little escapade and go see what the gang is doing...and yes it is REALLY late at night. Goodnight People. And Have a great new year!!!

IF I STAY..>||< TILL I'M BURNING ON THE INSIDE

Wow...college starts tomorrow, honestly i'm kind of excited, in the sense of i quit my job and i've heard that "NOVA" was kind of easy. Except for the fact that i'm taking a VERY hard class for ...5-6 credits its like...expensive too. But anyways so thats whats on the agenda for tomorrow. Besides that, life is getting better, but still managing to remind me of how much i will appreciate being in heaven.

Writing my thoughts down and referrencing them i find extremely helpful, because today i was reading my past entries and listening to THR33 DAYS GRAC3, and i realized how much i need ...help lol! But yeah so i think i'm going to continue this for my own personal reasons and so that i can keep in touch with certain people(people that move away for instance) So basically thats the reason for the returning. I only wish i could have seen her one last time before she left. I guess our schedules just didn't work together. O well. Maybe i'll see her some other time.

Love you ALL!

"Feel it every day

its all the same

it brings me down, but i'm the one to blame

i've tried everything to get away

so here i go again, chasing you down again

why do i, do this?

Over and Over

Over and Over- i fall for you

Over and Over

Over and Over- i try not too

HELP ME PULL AWAY"

Hey guys...i decided that i would finally return to this. Even though nobody reads it except for a minor few, i still think its good to put my thoughts out were i can read them. I hope everyone will recover the fact that i've returned and help me out by showing support! I love you all and hope everything is going well with you all. Sorry i can't write more now, but i have to go to sleep! Goodnight everyone.

~Colin

"Somebody get me through this nightmare...i can't control myself!!"

TODAY!

Today was the FIRST DAY OF THE TOURNAMENT!!! and so tomorrow, and saturday i will not be here*home*. So in that time, i WOULD love it if you called, left comments, and e-mails for me to read when i get back. Cause i just..LOVE that stuff!!! More then ever. Well i have to get some sleep soon, because i really need it! But i just want to thank all of you that have been praying for me, and just being there for me! so Graci! And i will talk/see you all later. Loves!

Colin

Today several interesting things are happening!

1. It is my Father's 61st birthday!!! *happy birthday*
2. I am ...sick/not feeling well/hallucinating
3. Feeling that there is something i can do to help myself, but never getting around to doing whatever that is.
4. Practicing basketball, by myself, because after my last game, I realized i needed to work on it.
5. Starting the long treck of getting ready for summer*may God bring it swiftly*
6. Trying to gain love and trust from my parents, and praying that they will at sometime be able to cope with their son.

Out of all of those...#6 burns the most, and almost cancels out the others. But i will try not to think to hard on it, but my parents are VERY upset. For something i might not have even done. So pray that they will find some happiness in me, and that i can still be helpful to them, instead of stress! Thanks guys, *for those that keep up with this* its nice to know some people care. Much love,

Colin